all good things must come to an end

i very distinctly remember sitting on my couch almost exactly 5 months ago today and wishing i didn't have to get up and go to work the next morning.

i got my wish. my water broke and so began 5 blissful months of stay-at-home motherhood. (mike is reading this and saying "what the hell? blissful???" ........let's just say i did my share of complaining about cabin fever).

but anyway. in my mind the past 5 months are a blissful blur and that's how i'll always remember it. i have been excited about going back to work but i got really sad today. my baby boy has grown up so much already. tonight he was playing with his toys all by himself - grabbing at things, choosing what he wanted to play with, putting things in his mouth - i could have been in another room and he would have been fine. i got sad thinking about him playing like that tomorrow and me not being able to peek in and watch him.

and then. THEN! i had to pick the WORST bedtime story EVER. for some reason i've never read this book to him before and happened to pick it up tonight. it is called "baby dances" and it's the most awful book ever. well, not really. it is all about the milestones of the 1st year. the first page is about baby's first hug, "warm and safe in daddy's arms." i was already crying at that point and shouldn't have bothered with the rest of it, but i got through the pages about smiling, rolling, and crawling before i gave up. to make matters worse the illustrations emphasize the passing of the seasons.

i was a crying mess for most of the evening.

i'm not really that sad about leaving him. (what's sad about him being home playing with daddy all day while i do something i love?) i guess the sad thing is that this part of his life is over - our being separated during the day is really the first step in him growing up. :(